5 Questions...

...a few weeks ago, Suanie posted the answers to 5 questions she was asked by a friend. It was then opened to the floor. She forwarded me these questions a while ago, but since my blog has been so up and down lately I just got around to answeting them... enought history - here we go.

1) If you were in ultimate power, what are the 5 things you would change about U.K.?

First, giving me ultimate power would be such a bad mistake, for the following 5 reasons.

1: I’d make sure no one can use the outside lane on any road except me. Cross that line and it’s the gas chamber for you matey. There’s also no speed limit in that lane and I should be allowed to take anyone’s car I want, just like Grand Theft Auto.

2: Casual sportswear would be outlawed. People who dress with some semblance of personal style (that's clothes that show some personal expression) will be awarded with clothing coupons to enhance their wardrobe. People found wearing casual sportswear will have it burnt on the spot by the fashion police and forced to walk the streets naked with the words “I’m a Chav. Please kick me” tattooed on their ass.

My friend Barnaby will be forced to change his clothes at least once!!!

3: My train to work will not stop at any other station except London. It will also be allowed to go 200 mph, and the cute Chinese girl that I see everyday on the 7:31 train will be given anything her heart desires, cos she is the only thing of beauty I see on the entire journey.

That’s for the days I don’t use the car. Got to think of the environment after all.

4: Car Boot sales will be outlawed. Period.

5: I’d beat the shit out of George Bush.

Basically Mao would have nothing on me – so never ever put me in a position of political power and I’ll stay the nice, polite, loving, caring Nic you all know and love.

2) "Winning may not be everything, but losing has little to recommend it." How badly do you want it?

You know, I’m so not competitive. And you know what is so great about that. It drives competitive people CRAZY!!! Especially if you beat them at something. I’m all about self-improvement, but do it for yourself – not to be a smug ‘winner’. I think people who constantly live to prove their worth sense no true worth in themselves. How badly do I want it?? Meh...

3) If you were to migrate to a different country and stay there for the remaining of your life, which country would you choose and why?

I’d probably like to be stranded on a desert island (alone), that has a super fast Internet link so I can stay in touch with people, grab music and movies and stuff like that.

I like my own company and I think it’d be the most tranquil experience.

Of course, just as I get lonely a boat hosting a stripper convention will conveniently break in two and they will all be swept ashore for a few weeks before being rescued by Hugh Hefner. This will happen every 6 months or so.

4) If there were a Church of Nic, what would it preach?

In contrast to my political party, I’d teach absolute tolerance of all things. That no one is better than another person. No religion is the right religion. Financial desire is for the weak. Inner wealth is paramount. Treat every animal on the planet with respect. Selflessly help those that need help.

And if you don’t like it, you’ll find me and my followers hauled up in farmhouse somewhere with semi-automatic weapons.

5) Why do strippers always have nicer boobs?

It’s relative, and dependent on the ‘class’ of stripper.

If you go to a dive strip club, I’m sure you’ll start to see the cracks. However, if you’re serious about the profession then you want to make sure you have the tools required to maximise your profit – then go get yourself a good surgeon.

Some people, I’m sure, are born with naturally ‘perfect’ boobs. For those who need a little help, the investment will pay off dividends.

Skin care is also very important. A lasting memory of my strip club experience was how soft “Devon’s” skin was. (Actually she pretty taken of how soft my skin was (are you guessing I haven't told you the WHOLE story yet! (NO we didn't have sex))... moisturising is important guys!!) Look after the skin, shake what ya momma (or surgeon) gave you, and I’m sure you’ll do just fine. And Suanie – you’re boobs are just fine ;)

There you go. In spirit of this interview game... leave a comment below if you want me to write you 5 questions for your blog (bloggers only please).

Nic.

posted by Nic @ 10:34 PM 4 comments